I’ve written and rewritten this hundreds of times. As I kept trying to figure out what pushed me over the edge… so many things that just kept piling up and I couldn’t ignore.
Why did I retire? As the school year begins so does the actual start of my “real” retirement. This summer was similar to other summers with a few exceptions. I didn’t spend any time at school. I usually would drop in once a week to work on things. I didn’t spend any money on things for school. Usually I’d take the summer to restock. I didn’t expend any effort on planning activities for my classes or worry about the new robotics season. So I guess it was the first summer I’ve had in 35 years that was “Summer.” I originally had grandiose plans to travel, but decided instead to focus on home things since I can now travel whenever I want. Why go someplace during peak tourist season? I spent some time reflecting on my decision- why retire? Why now?
There were a lot of things on the pro side of retirement and very few on the con. While I was making the decision I was angry, I felt unappreciated, ignored – every time I saw a light at the end of the tunnel and thought I could stick it out a few more years, continue to make a difference- I discovered the light was just an oncoming train. So there are a lot of reasons, but I think it boiled down to I was tired or to quote the mad prophet of the airwaves – “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”
Having a Master’s Degree in Administration and not wanting to be an administrator I knew I couldn’t really do anything to enact change. Sure they’d make “pie crust promises” shout to the hilltops about their commitment to STEM & Robotics, but I had learned it was all talk. I was a lowly special area teacher, not even a classroom teacher. So I looked at the hypocrisy and decided things were not going to get better… I would just get angrier and angrier and more and more frustrated. People would smile and nod and things would either remain the same or get worse. So instead of being that grumpy curmudgeon of a teacher for the remainder of my career, I decided to take the hint given to me by the administration and admit my services were no longer needed- it was time to move on.
As I look back on my career and I’m proud of what I did. Some of my favorite memories of teaching involve the times when I had a chance to do weird stuff. Not in the approved curriculum. Turning my classroom into “World Wide Studios” and recording every project (on VHS tape)- “Turandot” and “The Great Brain Robbery” were amazing experiences for myself and especially for my kids. Giving kids complete control over the video morning announcements. Taking kids to the U.S. Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville. Weekly poetry recitations, things that weren’t part of the official curriculum, but made learning more engaging. As my career started to wind down the biggest frustration was hearing people applaud all the things I was doing and knowing that it wasn’t that special. Wasn’t as “cutting edge” as I would have liked. That if I had the chance I could have done so much more… but I was told to be content with what I had – stop complaining. I was told “Misery is a choice.”
So I lost hope that things would get better- sometime… maybe. I decided to retire instead of pounding my head against the wall. I wish my successor the best- I’m assuming that they knew before the end of the school year that they were taking over… in hindsight a lot things make more sense knowing that this was in the works long before I announced my intentions to retire. That it was planned (I’m allowed my conspiracy theory as much as the next guy). Hopefully, they will get more support than I did. Maybe my leaving will be a catalyst… (there’s that silly optimism popping in) Most of all I hope the kids get what they need to be successful in an ever changing crazy world. For me, it was time to go & now a new adventure awaits- more on that later.